Every night before sleeping i read some Bible. I found out that i can find both encouraging words and very clear directive for me to faithfully follow in this moment of my life. Sometime it seems that what i read has been written just for me.
Then i've started reading ( thanks to mr OldfashionEd ) Paulo Coelho as well, and in his writings imbued of searching and spirituality could give me encouragement in my walk as well.
If i look back, the last 4 or 5 years have meant so much for me. I'm such a different person then i was. Yes i was considered a much more successful person back in the days, working outside, having the 'modern' attitude with children, but i was so empty. Frozen food, day care formula and let them cry. But i felt something was badly wrong. life can't be so few. Life's centre can't be on things. Can't be on a job.Can't be in a pub, to a gig . So i started to give up. Give up the ideas that shaped me in my childhood ' housewives are just lazy women'. Give up my training ' women have to work and be economically indipendent so they don't have to get married'. Give up the ' kindergarten should be open also in the night attitude'. Not easy. Leaving behind an whole life. Accepting that you don't accept how you grew up. And then after the darkness .... a new light. I simply opened my heart at some point. And things started moving. Little miracles started happening. I tried, with humble heart and found myself enjoying unknown pleasures in life so fullfilling that no carrer could compete. Baking bread. And cakes. Making jam and canning. Sewing, and decorating and preserving and using a woodstove, making my own clothes and curtains and quilts and blankets, and carnival dresses. And now a step ahead again. One more. Once again opening my heart and accepting. Homeschooling the kids. Fear. Again. Let go. Some more. But now i feel this is the real life. The full life. The right life.
( Carnival dress for Leo, Crocheted and sewed curtains, a dress, doll'sdress, window star )
''And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
even as he said to our fathers